come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
