Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
