He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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