Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
