Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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