Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
