I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
