Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
