It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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