Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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