i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
