It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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