You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
