To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
