Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
