shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
