i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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