alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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