she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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