he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
