I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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