did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
