Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
