So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
