Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
