uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
