Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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