I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
