you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
