I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
