I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
