She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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