Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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