this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
