I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
