Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
