i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
