He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
