omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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