My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
