My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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