State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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