just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
worst night to have a conscience
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
