I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
