i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
