you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
