Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

I just didn't expect you to be so naked....

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(954): View more from Florida

just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

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(319): View more from Iowa

he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry

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(972): View more from Texas

Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.

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(956): View more from Texas

is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

(210): View more from Texas

no

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again

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