You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
