I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
