i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
