I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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